"..a bardy view!"

Beano? It’s Dandy for Some!

The comic character of your local burglar, with striped shirt, mask and bag marked with "Swag" seems like innocent remnants of a bygone age. Of course, such types were common fodder for the Beano and Dandy, and children knew that no such villain or amiable rogue actually existed in real life. Yes, even back in the seemingly innocent times of "Just William" in the 50's and 60's the readers knew that this was a harmless representation of criminal low life.Beano

Not so anymore. Such is the extent of fame and celebrity, regardless of intellect or common sense, todays burglars actually want to be seen. Mathew Maynard – a second rate tea-leaf, discovered his mug in a newspaper among a group of others which the police in South Wales want to track down.

So how does our 23 year-old wannabe Pink Panther respond? Is he concerned about the likeness? Is he worried about the exposure? Is he frightful about being caught? Does he go into hiding? Does he keep a low profile? Does he formulate alibis? After all, these are the things that most sensible burglars or international jewel thieves would do, whether they reside in Manchester or Monte Carlo.

In a breathtaking display of ineptitude, arrogance and incredible stupidity, acts which Peter Sellers or Monty Python would have rejected as totally stretching the bounds of humour, our intrepid burglar took offence at his image, called the newspaper (the South Wales Evening Post), expressing he wasn't happy with the photo, and would send in another! Such was his blatant contempt, he even sent the snap with him standing in front of a police van.

The police replied that he is a berk, and that everyone in Swansea will know what he looks like now. Well, surely that's what he wanted? Berk he may be, but he also knows that it is instant celebrity, and he also knows that when he's finally up before a beak, a small fine, perhaps a suspended sentence, even some community service is all the punishment he's likely to receive. Benny Hill would have have made a great set piece about it – all that's needed is a few scantily clad girls running around with a few bobbies in fast forward motion chasing our anti-hero. Da da diddy, diddy da diddy diddy, diddy da da diddy, diddy da!

Meanwhile he gets fame, the police look like plods, and spend their time wasting tax payers money because they know that the law will be lenient upon him regardless of their efforts to bring him to justice. After all, he's not exactly Britain's most wanted!

So how did it all come to this? In a separate observation, apparently offenders due for release on December 24th will not have anywhere to go and will be homeless on Christmas Day. Some aren't looking forward to the prospect and would rather stay as a guest of her majesty.

The liberal do gooders moan that we should be providing accommodation for them, but charity for ex-offenders is in short supply.

Lets get this straight. They've committed a crime and spent porridge – been fed, clothed and watered. Now after they've done their time, we should give them a home to live in as well. So not providing them with that, they will re-offend, and then society can take the blame for not caring for them properly. 

Yes! It all makes sense. Bring back Bedlam – it was more sane.


November 6, 2009 - Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , ,

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