"..a bardy view!"

The Great North Korean Balloon Invasion…..

South Korea mobilised its troops yesterday because they thought they were being invaded by North Korean paratroopers. It turns out the invasion force was a squadron of balloons which had been released by school children from a town near Seoul.

This is the latest in a series of nervous reactions from the South Koreans.

Kim Jong (very) il, the Dear Leader, must have had a good guffaw at this. After all, not only can he spout hot air to his people, but surely he can now supply helium to his subjects so they can put more wind up the neighbours.

The Great North Korean Balloon Invasion is imminent. No doubt these weapons of mass hysteria are all made in China.

Perhaps Kim should put his face on them as well – imagine a million balloons with his smiling mug heading across the border.

The whole South Korean nation would be galvanised to repel the threat. The USA would bluster to the United Nations complaining about this blatant antagonism. Over inflated South Korean businessmen from around the world would have to return to defend their homeland. They would have to abandon their golf clubs or go off sick.

A nation which has embraced technology with gusto and swamped the world with their devices where Samsung rules will be be a quivering wreck.

Balloons will be banned at parties and children will be prosecuted for having them. The biggest exporter – China – will see an embargo on them. But ever-ready to grasp an opportunity, they will send even more to the last bastion of communism, disguising them as condoms. It could be the ultimate blow-job.

There may be sanctions on selling helium to the North Koreans. Would that solve the problem? When Kim says fart, his people will fart to inflate, and these balloons could be very unpleasant indeed.

Destroying them in mid flight could create an environmental methane catastrophe, releasing odours tantamount to a full scale gas attack. Masks will be issued, a general flatulence alert will be broadcast. The sirens will sound. People will rush to the bunkers crying "Flee for your lives…Kim Jong shit is coming!"


June 18, 2010 - Posted by | Culture, Current Affairs, Events, General, Politics | , , , , , , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it. When is the book coming out?


    Comment by Spook | June 18, 2010 | Reply

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