"..a bardy view!"

Mummy! Help – we need the Kings Speech!

The Mummy:Tomb of the Dragon Emperor was shown on British television over Christmas. Mummy

I was surely suffering from over indulgence, and discovered my brain required little stimulation to see me through Boxing Day.

Thankfully, Mummy III fulfilled the task. It's true many of us don't require any heavy and demanding scripts or plots the day after Christmas, thankfully this movie was already high on prozac.

As usual I always arrive late where movies are concerned, but at least I don't get wrapped up in the hype of new releases. I was spared this travesty when it hit the cinemas in 2008.

Mummy the first was an enjoyable romp which passed some time on a long haul flight. The Mummy Returns was a similar distraction, but Mummy returns as a Chinaman had me wishing I was abandoned as a child. There are only so many mummies a man can handle. The latest incarnation should have been called "A Mummy too Far".

Not an Egyptian mummy this time around, but a dastardly megalomaniac Chinese emperor, who ruled with a theatrical expression. Indeed, the actor Jet Li who hammed it up, walked straight off the set of Hero, via Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (which he was supposed to be in but thankfully was not), accompanied by Michelle Yeoh (who was thankfully in the latter and surely should not have been in the former). Confused? You will be.

Rachel Weisz, who was the heroine of the two previous Mummy movies, wisely avoided the third. Brendan Fraser stalwartly re-appeared, but his perpetual glazed features, akin to a fox caught in a car's headlamps, was so bemused by his failure to catch fish on his English country estate, that he resorted to shooting the poor trout with a pistol. No I don't mean his wife. What am I talking about? Haven't you seen the film?

On the subject of his wife, Maria Bello, just a quick word….

Anyway, John Hannah returned as her bumbling brother Jonathan, but even he had left his jokes behind, and those which got through were as dead as the fish his brother-in-law had earlier blew the brains out of.

I thought it was a clever ruse for ITV to offer us all more turkey for Christmas. But chief turkey had to be an Australian actor by name of Luke Ford. Now there's a name for Hollywood. Sadly this Luke was more Gerald than Harrison, and produced a wooden performance to make a redundant windmill look more animated.

Diabolical script, amateur dialogue, wasted talent, and all of which took a backseat to the CGI. The best being a bunch of Yeti who were undergoing practice trials for a US basketball team. I cant resist it…they were abominable.

Ok, It was an adventurous visually stunning romp, but if this is the way of the movies, why not just accept that actors are secondary. Mere avatars in a CGI world? It's a great way to fool the public and make mega-bucks.

I hear the King's Speech is very good. I will certainly go to the cinema and see that when its released on January 7th. Kings_speech1

But, hang on, there aren't any special effects! Oh dear! How will I cope?

Is it just real actors and real sets?

No mummified Chinese emperors or yetis?

Isn't King George VI going to transform into an evil shape-shifting monster seeking to rule the world having suddenly been made monarch of a great empire, after the abdication of his crazy brother who became spell-bound by an evil American heiress?

Surely the cinema going public won't stand for it!

I hear he was a mild-mannered man with a stutter, who was transformed to become a beloved ruler who instilled hope, faith, courage and stoicism in his people against an evil tyrant.

Nah! Nobody will buy that!  


December 27, 2010 - Posted by | Arts, Culture, Film, General, History, London | , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


  1. Get Real!Good acting, equally good cinematography and all that’s associated with what a good film is evident in The King’s Speech.” The Oscars will prove that, wait and see. Special effects and the other “stuff”, good in itself as these are,cannot compensate for real works of cinematic Art and is the product of the computer revolution and not always everybody’s cup of tea!
    George the Sixth and his Queen, Elizabeth were an inspiration to a nation and to the free World at that time. This is an historical fact!
    Bar De Ness should be a little more sensitive to readers who were brought up in the post World War 11 generation.
    The comment ” NAH!NOBODY WILL BUY THAT” is really below the belt.
    Hitler was a tyrant . The deaths of 6 millions Jews in Nazi concentration camps , together with many thousands who were imprisoned, tortured by evil people as a result of this tyrant are well documented.Granted, the world is not at peace with itself right now, but consider what would have happened to the free world then had monarchs such as George VI not empathized with the suffering of his people. Many of the Freedoms we take for granted in our society were the product of the leadership of those who led Britain and the rest of the free world in the years of that horrid conflict in not one, but two world wars.
    I find the closing remarks of this article offensive, rude and the product of ignorance and indifference.


    Comment by Father Michael Rossouw | February 15, 2011 | Reply

  2. A ranting sermon father, but You have singularly failed to read my article with any degree of intelligence, and totally failed to see the irony of my closing remarks. The article is a satire on Hollywood – not a slur on Britain and its war with Hitler. I suggest you read it again.
    By the way, I have now seen the Kings Speech, and it is a fantastic movie. It also totally vindicates the point of my post.
    Thank you for reading. It’s always a pleasure to get “fan” mail!


    Comment by Bar De Ness | February 15, 2011 | Reply

  3. This is vary informative and good post. The Kings Speech is a fantastic movie.


    Comment by gadgettown | July 21, 2011 | Reply

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