"..a bardy view!"

Everything Everywhere in the Philippines…….

Everythingeverywhere When I read that a major British telecom company called Everything Everywhere was considering outsourcing their call-centres to the Philippines I thought "Who? What? Never heard of them!"

It turns out that they run Orange and T-Mobile, not that this was evident in the article in the Philippines Daily Enquirer.

Anyway, apart from the fact that it's a fairly bland and meaningless name, it turns out that they want to train Filipino call-centre workers to speak English with a British accent.

Edwin Lacierda, a presidential spokesman has said the British company was "very bullish about setting up shop in the Philippines, but that Filipinos are not familiar with the British accent, for example they use "ma'am" as a polite way of addressing a woman over the phone. You're not supposed to do that in Britain because that's only used to address the Queen."

Well, you never know, the Queen may well ring up Orange to restructure her tariff, and apart from discovering that she was discussing it with a Filipino 7000 miles away, would be delighted that she was being addressed so reverently. I suspect the majority of callers wouldn't care a jot, because they wouldn't be looking for a conversation, merely someone competent to deal with their issues.

Still, I'd like to be a fly on the wall at the "British Accent Training School" if Everywhere Everytime, (or is that Everytime Everything) do decide to outsource there.

Lesson 1 "Heads up chaps, welcome to Everything Everytime, I mean Everytime Everywhere (I think). You are about to learn how to talk to the British. They are not Americans, so take note: Elevators are lifts; sidewalks are pavements; faucets are taps; diapers are nappies.

"The Fall is Autumn; gas is petrol; cell phones are mobile phones; drugstore is chemist; freeway is a dual carriageway; highway is motorway; brown-outs are black-outs; vulcanizing is remoulding; candies are sweets; cookies are biscuits; jelly is jam; restroom is toilet; fag is a cigarette.

Hood is a bonnet; trunk is a boot; apartment is a flat; gas station is a garage; fries are chips; chips are crisps; first floor is ground floor; second floor is first floor; realtor is estate agent; zip code is post code; and if you think this is garbage, it's not – it's rubbish.

"We are now going to watch two soap operas: Eastenders and Coronation Street. 

"That's all for today. Tomorrow we will discuss accents, dialects, slang and insults. Now bugger off and have a nice day! Missing you already!"


May 20, 2011 - Posted by | Culture, Current Affairs, The Philippines, United Kingdom | , , , , , ,


  1. Thank you for your help and my ‘nowhere nothing’ connection is back. Jolly good show as opposed to ‘something, really something’ or ‘you ain’t whistling dixie, bub’. Y’all, yehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw and thus ends today’s English lesson.


    Comment by Spook Moor | May 21, 2011 | Reply

  2. Jam up and jelly tight. Glad I came back to something so well written with all the underlying humour, oops humor?


    Comment by spookmoor | January 15, 2015 | Reply

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