"..a bardy view!"


Halloween Halloween is worth £280 million to UK retailers. Still a month away but the tat in the shops is overflowing on the shelves.

Quite how the occasion got from an ancient Celtic festival to the plastic paltry and putrid excuse for normally sane people to lose their senses and permit their equally daft offspring to do likewise is a lesson in rampant commercialism and sadly it's the Yanks who we must thank yet again. (Draw breath!)

When I was a wee nipper (aye lad, those were the days), about the scariest thing I did at Halloween was half-drown in a bowl of water attempting to get a bobbing apple out of it. It was just silly fun and nothing more.

I have fond memories of my mother eviscerating a turnip, sticking a few holes for eyes, nose and mouth, with a tiny candle stuck in the middle.

Together with my fellow turnip-brained pals, I would wander the streets at night for reasons still unknown to me. The thrill of treading the witching hour with scary vegetables was the highlight of an otherwise boring October, and the only pumpkins in sight where the other idiots walking around with the ingredients for the following day's stew.

Trick or Treating was unheard of. In the 1990's I became aware of it, because my own kids had a desire to knock on doors and partake in socially acceptable mugging. Pay up else we'll sing you a song!

They dressed diabolically to enhance the fear. (I always told them they shouldn't conduct such activity in their school uniforms – but they didn't listen!)

Somewhere between adolescence and fatherhood the world changed and I was ignorant of the insidious invasion of American festive influences. It was a period of great joy that I escaped it, but I remember thinking one day (as a free spirit working in London in my early twenties) about the lack of kids who were asking for a penny for the guy close to November 5th.

That was something I really loved when I was a bairn – bonfire night and burning the effigy of Guy Fawkes. Of course, that is a uniquely English affair, and Halloween has now overtaken it as a cultural celebration.

But back to the point. Halloween. The amount of blood-fest gore surrounding the de rigueur costumes required to partake in the event has exceeded all reason.

Presumably all the plastic crap is made in China, by folk who must be astonished that in the "civilised" west there are people who want to behave like complete and utter idiots. Still, there are mugs born every minute and they are generally Yanks or Brits.

Is Halloween a big deal in France, or Germany or other parts of Europe? Please tell me it's not! I bet it's big in Canada and Australia.

So pretty soon the Halloween adult parties will be in full flow (just another excuse for moronic inebriation). The young and not so young flowers of youth will be knocking on the door looking like rejects from a B-Movie straight-to-video horror film and wailing "trick or treat".

They don't knock on my door anymore. Not since I rigged up the 12 volt-battery door-bell. Bless their little cotton socks!


September 29, 2011 - Posted by | Culture, Current Affairs, Education, Events, History, Humour, Religion, United Kingdom

1 Comment »

  1. Crafty little idea of yours with the battery. Now why didn’t I think of that? Many of them are too scared to knock on my door as I always make them do a song of before I dish out the sweets. I mean it’s a form of payment innit?


    Comment by Spook Moor | September 30, 2011 | Reply

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