"..a bardy view!"

Pasties and Petrol – The Famous Five

Famous fiveI was beginning to miss the last UK Labour Government, not because I liked them, but because they could always be counted on to provide great blog fodder.

I think 25% of my posts since I began this blog three years ago were fuelled by the Tony Blair's, Gordon Brown's and John Prescott's of this world. Not only by the individuals but by the sheer stupidity of their policies.

But in the last few days I find that the new Tory-Lib-Dem coalition government are equally as idiotic.

Indeed, if there is a secret biological clone guaranteed to ensure that all politicians either look and behave alike, this last week has reinforced the conspiracy theory.

If you put the DNA of Tony Blair, David Cameron, George Osborne, Nick Clegg and David Milliband in the same petri dish, mix them all up, blast them with an agent to agitate the mix, and place it under a microscope, it will be an undisputed fact that the end result will produce carbon copies of the original ingredients.

I suppose that is what cloning is all about.

This Famous Five aka Julian, Dick, Ann, George and Timothy the dog (take your pick who is Timothy – I choose Tony Blair purely because he was barking) are not far removed from Enid Blyton's original characters.

The original Famous Five were a bunch of toffee nosed kids (except Timothy who was the archetypal daft but loyal and dim mutt) who pranced around dressed in short trousers or pleated 1950's skirts (George/Georgina) looking for adventure, getting into scrapes, but managing to poke their noses into other people’s business, and believed that they were far smarter than their parents, who were mostly portrayed as old fashioned fuddy duddies who had to concentrate on the realities of life, like work, paying bills, and being thoroughly boring.

They said things like "I say chaps, let’s go and play down in the Scary Woods and meet Professor Dingle"

"What a jolly good idea" say Dick

"That's not a good idea" says George

"Don't be such a silly billy George" says Julian.

So off they run to the Scary Woods, discover that Professor Dingle has disappeared (no doubt because he knew those pesky kids were coming), and then through investigation befitting Sherlock Holmes, concluded that mischief was afoot.

Finding Dingle's car abandoned in the Scary Woods, Ann shouts, "I say chaps, Professor Dingle isn't here."

"You're right Anne" says Dick "It looks like he ran out of petrol!"

"Wait" says Julian "there's a half-eaten Cornish pasty on the passenger seat".

 "Golly gosh!" says George, "It's not like Professor Dingle to leave a half-eaten pasty."

"You're right" says Julian "It's not like Professor Dingle to leave a half-eaten pasty. Is it hot or cold?"

"It's warm" says Anne

"Oh no" says Dick. "This means he had to pay VAT on it. He must be in shock, we need to find him"

"Silly Professor Dingle" says Julian "He should have bought a cold one from Tesco".

"What shall we do Dick?" says Anne.

"One of us must go back and get PC Plod!" says Julian (or Dick)

"Oh you are so decisive Julian (or Dick)" says Anne.

"But the roads are blocked because everyone is queuing up for petrol, it could take ages." says Dick (or George).

"Let's send Timothy, he's a clever dog – aren't you?" Says Julian giving a friendly shake of Timothy's head.

Well, Timothy had been listening to all this and wasn't very pleased.

"You lot are crazy" he barked whilst wagging his tail. "I'm a famous person and didn't you know that I'm the brains behind this outfit?"

"I say chaps" says Anne "Timothy is actually talking"

"Gosh! Timothy is a very clever dog" says all in unison.

And the moral of the story dear reader, is that in the bubble of Westminster politics, a good tale will always wag the dog.


March 31, 2012 - Posted by | Books, Culture, Current Affairs, Dogs, Education, Events, General, Humour, London, Politics, United Kingdom | , , , , , , , , ,


  1. Good gosh, golly gumdrops, jeepers creepers Sire you had me gripping the edge of my seat and cannot wait for the next instalment. As to politicians in today’s sad world it is a vocation like becoming a priest and they are no longer individuals out to do their best for their country and their people. No Sir, nosireeeeeeeeeeeeeee, they are clones. Incredibly dangerous (look at the world around you), propped up by an even more daft population who votes them in.
    Now I must go and finish me lukewarm pie and wag the tail of Timothy? Thanks for the laughs but as always with your typical skill and humour one has to read between the lines. Thank you for a great start to my Sunday.


    Comment by Spook Moor | April 1, 2012 | Reply

  2. Many thanks Spook. Glad you enjoyed it. I particularly had fun writing it!


    Comment by Bar De Ness | April 2, 2012 | Reply

  3. It was nice to stumble on your blog and I have actually enjoyed following your experiences about educational sector. Thank you for what you do and for inspiring others like me to do the same.


    Comment by Best colleges in jaipur | April 9, 2012 | Reply

  4. Thank you for your kind response. You are a most welcome visitor.


    Comment by Bar De Ness | April 12, 2012 | Reply

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